i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
