We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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