so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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