I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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