fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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