We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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