38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
