New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize