I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
