i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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