just come out here and I will go home with you...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
