just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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