...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
