sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
