I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
