That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
