I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
