omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
