He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
babies were throwing up all over the place
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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