I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
