garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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