Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
