sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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