We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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