so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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