I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
3pm strippers are depressing
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
