I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
