No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
