i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
