Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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