Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
