Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
