I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
