I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
