No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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