im having a threesome with these popsicles
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
