Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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