Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
