so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
