She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
