Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
