I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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