do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
