sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
