So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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