I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
