sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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