i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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