Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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