Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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