Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize