Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
