did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
