I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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