and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
