4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
