If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
