So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
