I wish my penis had an off switch
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
