you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
