brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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