She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
