I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
