I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
