Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
