At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
