I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
