Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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