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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
