I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
